This morning, I read the statement from Councillor Hubley in response to the death of his son, James, by suicide.

This is a high profile story for a number of reasons, as it should be.  Any time a young person takes their own life, we should sit up, take notice, and have a conversation about why it has happened and what we can do to prevent it from happening again.  Also contributing to the high-profile nature of his story is the political position of his father, Councillor Hubley, and the  fact that this is the most recent in what seems like a rash of suicides connected to bullying and homophobia. 

I felt compelled to write about this today because of the written response on Councillor Hubley’s website.  It is heartbreaking, well-written, and he eloquently covers a lot of points that sometimes get missed by the media when suicide happens.  I’ve spoken about this before in other blogs, where the need for people to understand WHY this happens is both human nature and good media coverage.  Part of this is a desire to pinpoint solutions, and prevent suicide from happening again. 

But I think the need to know “why”  can also make us feel better to pigeonhole or categorize the issue, and reassure ourselves that this won’t happen to us or someone we love.  People can read online or in the paper about a young person who has taken their own life, and then say to themselves “That student was bullied for being gay.  This won’t happen to my son, because my son has lots of friends and isn’t gay” or “This won’t happen to me, because I don’t have a substance abuse issue” or “Well, my friend is getting help for their depression, so they aren’t at risk for suicide now.  They’re cured”. 

The media stories about James and other young people who have taken their own life have really focused on the bullying/homophobia “angle”, offering it up as a tangible reason for why suicide happens to young people.  But, in his statement, Councillor Hubley is speaks not just about bullying, but about his son’s mental health issues, his sexual identity, his efforts to help others and speak out, his involvement in school and skating, his vast  support systems,  and his wide circle of supportive friends and family.   James, while harassed by a seemingly small but active number of homophobic idiots, was by all reports well-liked by his friends and loved by a supporting family.  He was an advocate for change in his community.  He had a diagnosed mental illness, and was getting treatment.  And yet, he still succumbed to suicide. 

James’s father points to bullying being  a factor in his son’s death, but not the sole cause.  That even though he was bullied, he did have good friends who liked and accepted him.  The school was trying to do something.  His family was supportive and involved.  He did seek treatment and was attempting to cope.  Even someone who is seemingly doing all the “right” things, and who seems to have lots of support may still be battling and feeling shitty.  Depression and is powerful and we shouldn’t underestimate it. 

“Although James had a great many people who loved and supported him, something in his mind kept taking him to a dark place where he could not see the positive side of life, which lead him to this drastic and tragic decision on Friday.”

This is not a hopeless message.  James’s death is a story that needs to be told, but there are tons of stories about recovery, of getting help and gaining strength from friends and family, of coping with tough times, of getting through high school and of it “getting better”.  I just think the takeaway for me after reading this message from a devastated father, is that suicide is not a “gay” thing, or a “victim” thing, or a “poor” thing or a “drug addict” thing, or something that only happens to young people who aren’t supported or who are friendless.  Let James be a reminder of not just that intolerance must be abolished, but that this can really happen to anyone, and everyone deserves empathy and support.

http://councillorallanhubley.ca/

-by Alice