Games are seductive. In games we can simultaneously lose ourselves and take on a new identity. We can become powerful and untouchable. After all, if we lose, we just start again. If we die, we just hit start. This time we’re smarter, stronger, faster, more experienced. On the screen, we are safe. We can be deadly but never die. Maybe it’s the untouchable aspect of technology that gives rise to cyberbullyin.

There is life and then there are games. There is also a place between games and life, where real people create cruel games for other real people. This is where cyberbullying occurs. It is a game set in motion by an invisible identity, who sets all the rules and all the roles and all the scripts. It is unprovoked psychic warfare. It can demolish spirits.

Cyberbullying:  So what is it exactly?

In simple terms, cyberbullying is using technology to threaten, harass, embarrass, defame or intimidate someone else, while hiding your own identity. It can be done using email, chat rooms / bash boards, web sites, voting booths, instant messaging (IM) or text messages (SMS).

It could mean having a picture of you, naked in the shower posted on a website. You didn’t know the picture was being taken. It could mean people calling you a pedophile or a lesbian or making fun of you because you are not thin or not rich enough. It could be threats to hurt you.

How often does it occur?

• In 2002, a British survey found that 1 in 4 youth, aged 11 - 19 have been threatened by computers or cellphones, including death threats. (National Children’s Home, U.K.)
• 14% of young Canadian users have been threatened while using instant messages (Young Canadians in a Wired World, Media Awareness Network, 2001)
• 25% of young Canadian internet users say someone has emailed material that said hateful things about others (Young Canadians in a Wired World, Media Awareness Network, 2001).  

So even if you were not the victim, it’s possible that you were part of the loop or know someone who was. You too, have a role in the game. But that can change.

The Good News

Despite the sense of helplessness that these random attacks can cause, there are some things that you can do.

1.    If you are feeling under attack, do not take responsibility for it. It is not about you. It is about the “attacker” and a game in their own headspace.  Do not personalize or own it. They are playing a role they wouldn’t dare play in real life. They depend on you and the other players or spectators to play too.

2.    When in the midst of a cyber attack, surround yourself with people who care. Ask for their help, even if “help” is an evening in front of the tv with popcorn and friend, watching a funny video. You have heard it here before, “Take care of yourself during stressful times”. This will be one of them.

3.    Know that you can shut down your attacker by any of the following means

• Use “Block”, “Ignore” or “Ban” function on your PC or phone. Cancel them out. Take that cyberdogs!
• Change your email address, phone/pager accounts or any contact numbers
• You can hunt them down like the dogs they are.  (My apologies to all the dogs I have loved).

You can purchase the software to do that.

You can save all the nasty text & emails and forward them to your Internet Service Provider, asking for help. If they seem unwilling to help shut them down, you may have to send them a letter from a lawyer. (You can check legal aid or university law schools for (free – cheap) legal help.

You could try using your mouse to right click on email headers & choose “Options” to find the path back to the dog

4.    You can take the saved messages to the Police. It might be a crime if the source made threats, “defamed you or exposed you to ridicule” or if they “spread hatred because of race, origin, religion, sexual orientation,” etc. These are all “criminal acts” according to the Criminal Code and the Canadian Human Rights Act.

Now, all the above are what you can do. What you should not do is -

5.    React to the message. That’s what the sender wants. As Bill Belsey, creator and facilitator of www.bullying.ca states, “They are trying to mess with your mind and to control you, to put fear into you. Don’t give them that pleasure.” But do record the text.

6.    Avoid talking about it. Do get whatever kind of help you need –personal support, police, legal. It is worth repeating the mindyourmind motto – Reach Out, Get Help, Give Help when it’s needed. This will be one of those times. If it is a friend who is under attack, support them.

7.    Do not try to confront the dog yourself. They might be dangerous. Besides, the Police are trained to do that job.

8.    Do not give out your contact information to just anyone. Be careful. And if some of this nastiness passes your way as a spectator, remember, you didn’t choose that role and you don’t have to play. Refuse to play. Do whatever you can to stop it. Sometimes the best way is to support the intended victim. After all, if we all moved over to the side of the victim and stood with them, bullies would lose their audience and players. If we could do it every time, bullying would end. After all, it really is a cruel and stupid game!

The author of this article is S.L. Zweig. With thanks to Bill Belsey, creator of www.bullying.ca and www.cyberbullying.ca for permission to use material from his sites. For more detailed information on handling bullying, check them out.