Why does my stomach dip this way? Is it well-wishing? Is it excitement? Is it jealousy? Is it all three? It seems with me that once I have felt a certain way, those feelings will always remain–sometimes diluted, sometimes augmented, but consistently there, independent of subject, my thoughts, emotions and inclinations all a separate cancer from any signifigant or insignifigant Other.

And it is for this reason that I take such peace in The Moment, knowing that only mundane collections of objects can save me from these emotions–I count the tokens on the abacus and rearrange the clutter in all rooms of my consciousness.

And this is the reason that I make myself so busy, because my reptilian brain will thank me for the rest.

Written by Iris