my problem isn’t that i’m depressed

it’s that moments of happiness interrupt my sadness

i can’t deal with the sunny attitude the positive outlooks. if sadness were all anyone ever experienced, that would be enough.

the drugs eliminate the ability to feel anything but content. these prescription chemicals that work their way into my brain and change my natural chemistry, won’t allow me to cry. or become angry. or scream.

i could live with being depressed, if i didn’t have to occasionally be happy to know something else existed. not something better.

i miss the sadness when it hides behind the chemicals. it may momentarily return, when i watch a depressing movie. most likely one about being unable to feel what the world dictates we as people should. it allows me to step outside of my mind and see things differently.

but will it last? will i wake up tomorrow and think that life is wonderful? or will i want to stay in bed all day and pretend that i don’t exist because that’s how i feel.

is it better to have happiness without the rest, or be constantly reminded that there’s more out there?