Rose

I gotta keep moving but there’s some things I needa get off my chest…

My dad will always be my dad
When I was young he would always comfort me whenever I was sad
I was and forever will be daddy’s little girl
My dad was my hero; he was like superman in my world
Always in Chicago working for years on end
Every time he came back home we could see a blackness setting in
Growing apart, changing for the worse
We even stopped talking on March 21st
It’s been years since we last spoke
Sometimes with you I just wanna laugh and joke
But I feel like you just want to hold me back
I’ve lived my life in isolation, now there’s something that I lack
Always feeling alone under the roof I’m supposed to call my home
It’s more like a house to me, a small place I let my thoughts roam
Cut off from the life outside of me I always feel so suffocated
No one understands my pain, they don’t know what to do when I’m hurt or angry, and I’m going insane
Showing no emotion, I feel so fucken empty and numb
I just take it as it comes
Feeling so depressed; I haven’t felt as much as a drop of happiness

For the man that was my best friend, lover and shoulder…

There’s a feeling in my heart that just won’t go away
Since the beginning I’ve always wanted us to stay
With you is where I felt happiness
We went through so much, sometimes I thought I was settling for less
Cause of the stress and the drama that came along with you
If you thought that I could trust you, boy there musta been something wrong with you
But nevertheless I just kept coming back
I longed for your smile, with you I just felt so intact
When everything was falling apart for me, I’d look at you I was home
I loved so much about us boy, so much our love had grown
Every second spent with you, every moment that we had, I never felt out of place
I think that’s one of the things that always seemed to put a smile on my face
We were different, not like anyone else I had ever seen
You were my best friend, lover; you were everything that you could have been
I still love you and miss you like hell
I hope one day we’ll be okay, I guess only time can tell

Now this next situation, it’s a little more fragile…

Baby, mommy’s sorry please forgive me
I wasn’t thinking about the consequences of my actions
Who woulda known it would cause a chain reaction?
I’m glad to say that I made the right move
Now you’re back with God, you can see it for yourself; baby, you have sight proof
I must confess, I was young and a mess, I listened to everybody around me
They told me that I couldn’t do it, had a future that they didn’t want me to ruin but now I’m paying for it profoundly
How the fuck could they have known the strength I had from everything I had been through?
All I knew is that I didn’t ever wanna lose you
Now you’re looking down on me as I pour my heart out to you
I couldn’t do it without support
My family would’ve kicked me out the house; they’d have felt no remorse
But baby now I have to take a moment and let these emotions flow out of me
I’ve been dealing with this pain; it stays forever in my brain
I never want you to feel like you were the one to blame
I see you in my dreams, I wish I could hold you in my arms, protect you, you’re everywhere it seems
You feel so close to me yet so far away
Not a minute goes by without me looking your way
I just want you to know how much you mean to me
How much I pray that you’re happy and free without me
Maybe one day we’ll be reunited and we’ll do the things we couldn’t do divided…

Hope better days will surely come; I look up in the sky and pray for one.

- by Rose, 19

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