in it there were all of these people holding up cards of stuff…i just glanced up and read one that said “when i eat i feel like a failure”
it really got me. i know so many people with eating disorders of all kinds.
most of the time it starts in high school.
in that environment of high peer pressure and new sexuality eating disorders are born and bred.
i had around 15 close friends when i was a sophomore.
12 of us had eating disorders.
it started with us “limiting” what we ate. it almost became a contest to see who could eat less. we’d march past the lines at lunch with our lettuce or our carrots feeling superior and thin.
i started over-exercising on a regular basis.
we’d all do a in-school step or pilates class and then hit the gym after school for up to three hours.
at first we all looked great. we all lost weight and got the attention we were seeking. it took us a few months to start getting sick.
we started dropping like flies.
the effects of starving your body are gross.
within six months one girl was only 97 pounds and was starting to grow hair in unusual places. this happens because your body is in survival mode and grows peach fuzz to keep you warm. gross right?
her teeth were rotting out, her hair was thin, and she looked like something out of the national geographic.
that scared us..but not enough.
some of us were starting to sneak food and because we were starving we would binge… shovel it in.. feel really guilty..and then we started to vomit.
possibly the grossest disease you could inflict on yourself. when you start out you dont realize what a monster you are inviting in.
its is classified as an addiction like any other. it slowly eats you away.
i was pretty severe. i wrote down everything i ate.
the caloric content.
the time of day. etc.
then i exercised an amount of time equal to burning all those calories plus some… the catch was that i would throw it all up..but still burn that amount of calories. i killed my immune system. my teeth started to hurt. i would forget the simplest things.
although i was skinny i never believed it.
i was so self conscious.
i stopped talking.
i got into a really bad relationship because my self esteem was low.
i wore baggy clothes.
i was lost myself.
i didnt write any music at all.
i didnt want to do anything.
one day on my way to work i started to drive and an hour later someone stopped me.. i had been driving around and around the block totally disoriented.
my body shut down. i was in bed for a straight month. i had to get vitamin i.v.’s i would only be awake for 2 hours a day.
i had driven myself right into the ground.
sitting alone in my room made me really start to think.
i thought i had started all of that to look thin, to be attractive, to make other people like me more.. ect. but those really weren’t my real reasons. the real reason was that i was in alot of emotional pain……
written by Linda Strawberry