There is Always Going to be A Little Bit of Stigma

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There is Always Going to be A Little Bit of Stigma

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bbgirl011

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I've always been a firm believer that differences - whether you consider them to be good or bad qualities - are not only essential, but, necessary in order to balance diversity and uniqueness.

As I'm getting older, I find it very hard to find a balance between 'societal norms' and my moral values. I know that sounds a bit odd, but, living with a mental illness defiantly makes you analyze/ see things through a different light.

I don't think I ever truly accepted the fact I was Bi-Polar until a few months ago, diagnosed in grade nine which was five years ago, and even now I still don't know parts of me.

The more I tried to prove the doctor wrong, as in define I was 'normal', the crazier I acted, became, and looked. I really wanted to prove that I was just like all the other kids and could do everything they could - so I joined karate.

I loved it.

The first few months were amazing. I was treated like a person, my dopamine levels were blazing, and I was talking to people - life couldn't of been any better. But then - they found out. They found out I had a mental illness and suddenly, I don't know, maybe they were afraid of me or something, but they all ignored me for a week.

It got a little bit better the week after but everyone was still deathly afraid of me - I was going to poison them or something. I really wanted to quit, but, my parents motto saying 'you can't quit just because life gets hard' so I stuck it out for a bit longer.

One day, they invited the school to a health seminar. I went and just about fell off my chair. The speaker, speaking to a large audience, spoke these exact words: "schizophrenics do not need medicine, all all you need to do is stick them in sunlight." Here is a chiropractor, telling people of my city, FALSE information on how to treat mental illness, and - oh boy. This half explains why my karate school thinks the way it does.

I feel guilty because I should of spoke out and defended schizophrenics but out of respect to the individuals who really wanted to be there or respected the guy, I kept my mouth shut.

Not to long after the karate school would go on rants at the front of the board explaining how "you have to eliminate unhappy people out of your life because there just going to drag you down" or "your never going to get anywhere by not doing anything bigger then your normal goals." Maybe I took comments like those to personal, maybe I'm to sensitive - all I know is my self esteem was slowly breaking.

I randomly told them I was quitting one day. Of course they didn't believe me, but the day I said I was quitting, was the day I left and never went back.

Stigma is going to be everywhere, I know that now. I could have talked to them about it but it's not generally something you do to a karate studio (telling them what they preach is wrong; it be like telling a priest that God is a phony). Rather than make an whole issue about it, I left, it haunts me but my self esteem is slowly rising.

I have a lot of other issues with family, school, and life - but sorting out who is accepting of my differences will always be a challenge. I'm willing to sort through it though because in the end, its our differences which make studies, debates, language, and learning possible.