I never realized that i meant anyone to anything until my cousin gave me a ‘talk”. It was cold out, the wind wipped at us with a ferocious intent, like it’s only desire in the world was to make us cold. we wrapped our blankets tighter around ourselves, we were determined to stay outside. We always had a talk every time we saw each other, which was about every six months. We’d been out there for about an hour, and i listened with an annoyed pout, wishing she would just shut up and leave me alone. it seemed to me like she didn’t believe i could be trusted, like if she turned her back I’d be doing something wrong, like i couldn’t handle myself.
So i cut myself sometimes, no need to get preachy. I mean, she’d known about it for a LONG time, why was she bugging me about it now? At first we’d talked about the usual things, hated stepfathers, that kind of thing, but when the subject turned to me, well, she just dove right in. Saying annoying things like how i could accidently cut a vein and bleed to death and die, and then she’d feel like it was her fault. How she’d often lain awake at night wondering if I was okay.
After she was finished, I’d blown it all off, and complained to my friend as soon as I got home. My friends understood, it wasn’t major. So I liked to cut myself, it’s not like that’s uncommon with the people i hang around with. And so I kind of forgot about it, and went back to my my life never even really thinking about it. That is, until I’m laying down somewhere thinking no one really cares and how no one would notice if I just died right there, and then i think of my cousin, and what she said. Maybe I’m a little unhappy, but I can’t EVER say no one cares, because she took the time to tell me what she thought, I’d been rude, but she hadn’t really cared. She cares about me, she worries about me, and if I needed her she’d be there.
And for all those reading, I care about you. I care if you die, I care if you’re unhappy, and I’m sure someone else does too. Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it’s not there. There’s always someone, someone who cares.
17, Canada