Carter, female, 17, smart, hurting.
Before grade nine was when it started, the purging. High school scared me, I wanted to be good enough for everyone. I threw up my meals everyday, on and off until quite recently.
I knew my habits were starting to be a problem, but I didn’t care. One day I went to a guy friend’s house, I was 16, he was 18. I told him no, but he was strong, and I had become so weak from the lack of nutrients.
Not long after that I started to make cuts on my thighs. They’re my least favourite part of my body. Just after that, my grandfather- my best friend, my inspiration and my motivation to live- died. It was heartbreaking. I held his body in my arms, lifeless, and I felt so alone.
I started to have nightmares and panic attacks, so I told my favourite teacher, who sent me to the school nurse, who sent me to my doctor, who sent me to a teens with eating disorders counselling. I have my first meeting with them in 3 days. I’m nervous, and I really don’t want to stop what I’m doing because I’m not yet at my “goal weight” but I know I need to, because I need to live for all those who couldn’t. I want to be an inspiration for other people, I want to have a story to tell.
by Carter, age 17