The first thing I think of when I hear the term “Peer Pressure” is drugs. I remember presentations being given at my elementary school: SAY NO TO DRUGS! They warned us that our peers would try to convince us to do drugs and would resist our objections. This is the case in many situations, but peer pressure isn’t always about drugs. Yet somehow that knowledge eluded me until just recently. It actually comes in all forms, in all environments. It is whenever someone pressures you to do something you don’t want to do.
During my elementary school years, there was a ton of peer pressure in my life that I couldn’t recognize, though I surely felt the stress of it daily. Looking back, one of the biggest pressures my schoolmates and I were facing was the pressure to excel in sports. Our school had two large gymnasiums, excellent teachers and coaches at our disposal, and a ton of great equipment. We were very fortunate to have these things, but it certainly built up pressure for us all to be active all the time.
We had gym class every day – which is somewhat normal – but after school sports was where it was at. Everyone joined the cross-country team and our school was recognized as having the highest amount of runners in the city. At first I didn’t care; I wanted to go home once school was over and was happy with that. But at the end of every season there was this huge assembly that lasted hours as each and every cross-country runner in the school was called to the front of the gymnasium and given an award. One day I looked around and realized I was sitting on the cold gym floor practically alone as the majority of the students were standing up front. I truly felt like a loser.
The next year I joined cross-country but after two practices I questioned whether I really wanted to inflict such torturous pain on myself since I hated running. When my teacher overheard me complaining in class she came up to me and said, “You are so young and with your long legs there is no reason you shouldn’t be out there running!” And I believed her and berated myself for being so lazy. I went to every practice and meet after that.
Over the years I joined every club and tried out for every team because it was what was expected of me. Being such a perfectionist, I hated seeing some of my classmates excel repeatedly, doing the perfect layup or finishing first in a meet. I pushed myself and pushed myself, and eventually was one of the star basketball players of the school. I did enjoy basketball by then, if not other sports. When I graduated I won an award for “Contribution to Athletics,” which everyone knew was an award for the kid who just barely made the teams. I was embarrassed but still glad to be recognized.
The reality check came when I attended my first high school gym class. I was terrified, expecting more of the same pressure only with twice as much expected of me. All the grade nine students had to take gym – what competition! But after my first week of classes, I could not believe how much fun I was having in gym. No one worried about being the best of the best, they just played whatever sport it was that we were doing that day. It was okay to make mistakes and people only ever laughed with each other, not at one another. I ended up getting really good marks in that class, not for athletic ability but for the effort I gave. The biggest thing I learned in gym class that year was that sports were supposed to be fun, not torture.
In hindsight, the peer pressure I experienced around sports in elementary school taught me a huge lesson about expectations. Initially I had felt comfortable with my choice not to do sports but eventually started to listen to others’ opinions instead of my own. As a result I felt overwhelmed, distressed, and downright miserable. Although there were some advantages to doing extracurricular sports, the costs outweighed those advantages.
Next time you find yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in, ask yourself why you are there. Was this your idea or someone else’s? What is the purpose of this situation? What are the benefits of continuing, and what are the costs? Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, like household chores, but we know that having a clean and organized house is worth the uncomfortable moments of putting out the garbage. In those cases, we are uncomfortable but our mental wellbeing is not being compromised. If you feel constantly stressed or are feeling your self-esteem drop, talk to a parent, teacher, or friend about your options. Even if you must continue in the situation you don’t like, maybe there are some ways you can adjust things so that your wellbeing isn’t under as much threat.