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My parent's divorce was a rollercoaster I didn't want to ride
Q: My parents are getting divorced and I know that you have been through it. How did you feel when they got divorced?
A: It was very upsetting to know that my parents were divorcing because I really wanted the 'perfect family'. I didn't understand why they couldn't stay together and make it work.
I was very confused and, at the time, I didn't understand how people could just fall out of love and give up. I wanted to do something to fix it and at first, I thought I could, but I didn't know how.
Realizing that it wasn't my fault my parents were getting a divorce and that I couldn't fix it, was very important.
I also found it hard because all my friends’ parents were still together. I didn't have any friends who really understood what I was going through and what I was feeling.
I had all these emotions and thoughts swirling through my mind. I couldn't think. I had a hard time concentrating at school. I can remember one day in grade 6 getting angry with my teacher. I really wasn't mad at her; I was upset at what was happening. I felt like I couldn't control my emotions. It was an emotional roller coaster that I didn't want to ride.
From moment to moment different feelings and thoughts showed up.
‘So I sit here another day watching the world pass me by. And as a tear rolls down my cheek I can no longer see the sun in this sky.’ – lyrics from my song ‘All You See in Me’
It is extremely important that you allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are experiencing right now. Even though you can’t change the choice that your parents have made, you can choose how you release your emotions.
Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you're feeling, and choose to release those emotions in a healthy way. Whether it's journaling, playing sports, painting or talking to someone, it’s important to feel and to release your emotions in ways that are not harming you or others.
Honestly, the greatest tool that I used and would suggest is journaling.
It seems so simple yet it was the tool that helped me the most through the painful journey of divorce. Writing down the tornado of emotions and events I was experiencing helped me release bottled up feelings and thoughts.
I know for me it didn't feel like the emotional roller coaster was ever going to stop. I didn't feel like life was ever going to be happy again. But I can honestly say that those feelings I felt were temporary! Things did get better and they will get better for you as well.
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice
P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or Kids Help Phone to get the support you deserve. Keep reaching out until someone listens.">
This is Sara Westbrookâ€™s â€œMy Voice Your Choiceâ€ column - a Q&A for youth on life issues. Sara answers Q's from youth in a way that promotes life tools and that encourages you to make responsible choices, giving you the power to create an extraordinary life. Learn more about Sara on her website.
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