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Rock your unhappiness
Okay, I’ve had it.
It’s 11am on a Wednesday and I’m digging through the bottom of my closet looking for pennies to roll to take to the bank this afternoon. First I need to go to the dollar store, though, to spend money on those coin roller things. Then, if I’m lucky, I’ll have maybe $8 which I will go and spend on Diet Coke and the recent phenomenon calledvegetable bread to feed me for the rest of September. The former is the only thing that helps my headaches during this peak hell-season of ragweed we’re in and the latter is the closest I can get to having a balanced diet on this budget of mine. Yes, I know diet soda is poison and vegetable bread is disgusting.
My two closest friends are having such a hard time with their own mental health that they aren’t able to see me, or really talk to me, and I feel helpless both with my own life and in trying to help them with theirs.
Some grouchy lady just gave me a death stare because Digby and Oscar, my neighbour’s pug, wouldn’t stand close enough together to keep my arms in their sockets as I juggled both their leashes and a bag of poop, and we were clearly in the way of her shiny SUV.
And this morning my sister informed me that she’s really sick of me complaining to her about Digby’s farts.
There are two sides to this coin, and both are pretty shiny. The downside to all this stuff is blinding, but the upside is kind of hilarious. I mean, terrible depression and brain tumors aren’t funny in the least, but this whole burden of rolling pennies and vegetable bread and dog farts is pretty funny. At least I have the energy to dig around for pennies and go to the bank and put bread in the toaster to feed myself.
I have to make 200 buttons today, and I’m hoping to make three zines in the next month. Get busy living or get busy dying. Fighting for your life is important, it’s the most important thing you can do.
Life is overwhelming, but whenever we get overwhelmed, we have a minimum of two choices. Both are helpful: crying and laughing. We can even do both at once.
I’m declaring September 25th as “Rock Your Unhappiness” day. Be hilariously unhappy, be somberly joyful. Do whatever you want, just keep doing it.
Erin Schulthies is the writer of Daisies and Bruises, a blog about "finding her way one step and one word at a time". After losing most of her youth to severe depression, she decided that since death was no longer an option, she had to find a way to live. This is it.
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