You are here

Dear Younger self by Maya

You’ve been through alot. Home is stressful.

You have a panic attack every day before school. 

You sit on the bus, headphones in because no one will talk to you. The girls who get on the bus after you did talk to you once tho, it was over the phone and they told you how much they hated you , how everything is your fault , how you’re so ugly you’ll never get a boyfriend.         


You’re secretly a lesbian and you’re terrified of what people will think of you when or if you even come out. The friends you thought you had ditched you because you’re too weird. You hate your body. Your teachers tell you how stupid you are and how you’ll never be able to achieve your dreams. You hate everything about you. The cuts on your arms and thighs just can’t seem to go deep enough, and they aren’t taking away the pain you feel inside anymore, actually when you think about it, they never did. You’re so done, you don’t want to die, but it feels like your only option. You’re too afraid to get help, because no one in your family ever talked about suicide, what will they think.

Can I tell you a secret?

As of right now, you’re 7 months free of self harm. You reached out. And when you did, you cried. ALOT. You let everything out and it was the best feeling in the entire world. 

You started therapy, you finally started to breathe again. You gained a lot of confidence. You love yourself. Your body is perfect, and you didn’t change anything about it. A few weeks went by and you came out. It went amazing! Everyone is proud of you, you feel so free. When you came out, three more people came out too, surprise, you’re not the only queer cousin! You have a best friend, you have multiple best friends. You have developed strong , long lasting relationships with them. Your experience helped you become a better person, you know how to relate to people. You’re totally the mom friend, everyone comes to you about everything, you would think that it’s stressful, but you secretly love it. You volunteer with kids and you LOVE it. You’re also currently working on a project to help youth who share the same story.

Looking back on it, you weren’t alone, there are so many youth just like you. You are a strong, confident , independent young woman! It’s 1:48 in the morning on a Monday and you're laughing hysterically at the memes your friend is sending you. You just had a dance party in your room, just for fun. You’re happy. You love life.You’re going to be okay. It gets better. Just wait.

Oh yeah by the way, you’re being interviewed for a job on Wednesday at 10:30am. The person interviewing you is the same person who you reached out too, if it wasn’t for their ability to listen, you probably wouldn’t have reached out at all. Don’t forget to thank them. 

But now it’s 3am , go to sleep! - Your older self.