Dealing with this, is dealing with hell
everywhere you go
everything you see
no one understads
no one knows that i feel that my every move is being controled
no one knows that there is a constant battle between me and him
that makes me sick to my stomach between every struggling battle
fighting between us two makes my head spin
my stomach streech and twist
and my mind blows
i get so tired, from fighting all day
fighting with my own head
to tired to carry on with my day normally
to tried to care
to tired to feel anything
i feel so wrong
he makes me feel wrong
im not doing right
i know deep down he’s wrong
SO WRONG
so stupid
but he has so much power
such good words, convinsing, terrifying words
the pain i get is all in my head
its all in my head
its all in my head
but isnt this problem of mine all from my head?
This isnt fake, its there
i cant convince myself that this is all ok, that its nothing, that ill be fine
because its there, its real
its has a name, OCD is real
OCD is fire, white fire, hot HOT fire
but the only thing i have to put it out is not water, but asid
i would rather have the burning flames then the carosive asid
the fire isnt soothing anymore
it is getting bigger and hotter
its not working anymore
taking those 14 steps up the stairs
evening things out
using the same amount of presher
the flames of those things are burning now
not crackeling soothing with wormth anymore
its hot, so very hot

(you can also read my story about OCD)