How Can I Help My Friend

If your friend appears to be in immediate danger or risk of harming themselves, it is critical to act quickly and get them immediate help. Key signs of a crisis include:

• Talking about wanting to die or hurt themselves
• Having a specific plan or the means to act on it
• Previous suicide attempts

If they refuse help, you may need to call 911 or your local emergency response team for them.

Remember: This is someone you care about, who may not be thinking clearly at this time. Even if your friend resists help, remember that your intervention could save their life. They may resist your efforts to help now, but later, when the crisis has passed, they will be alive to thank you.

Being a supportive friend is essential when someone is struggling with emotional or mental health challenges. Your presence, understanding, and proactive support can help your friend feel safe, valued, and less isolated.

How to Be a Supportive Friend

You can be a support your friend in many different ways:

• Spend Quality Time Together: Be there by spending time with or hanging out with your friend.
• Listen: Give them time to talk about whatever they want. Listen without judging. Ask what is happening, how they are feeling & what they are doing.
• Encourage Connection: Invite them to talk to other friends or trusted adults. Keeping someone safe is a task for many.
• Promote Healthy Coping Strategies: Ask them what they can do for themselves to relieve the sadness or pain (e.g. physical activity, arts & crafts, etc.). What works for them? Encourage them to do it or do it with them.
• Talk Openly: Ask them if they are thinking of hurting themselves or killing themselves. Using the words “suicide” or “self-harm” will not cause them to think or do anything to harm themselves.
• Do Not Promise Secrecy: Do not swear to secrecy, even if they ask you to. It is better to have a living friend who is mad at you, than a dead friend with whom you can’t have a relationship anymore.
• Support Them in Getting Help: Help them find resources or professional support. Offer to make calls or go with them to appointments. You can also look for more interactive options to help them discover help.
• Provide a Positive Distraction: Find a way to share some humour. Watch a funny movie together. Introduce them to your favourite funny show. Laughing ’til you cry is a sure-fire stress reliever.
• Get Informed: Go online, take out books, join a support group, attend community info sessions, talk to others.

How to Seek Help for Your Friend

If none of this works, or it’s not enough to keep your friend safe, reach out and get help for your friend:

• Contact your local crisis service or check out resources that you can call.
• Talk to your friend’s friends, parents or brothers/sisters.
• Talk to a guidance counsellor or a family doctor. Ask for help with helping your friend.
• Find listings in the phone book under mental health for additional local resources.

Talking to your friend about their feelings, mental health challenges, depression, or suicidal thoughts can make a significant difference. By starting a conversation, you can find a way to lessen your friend’s pain. Many people struggling with emotional pain feel isolated and believe that no one understands them. By simply asking how they are feeling and listening with empathy, you can help break that isolation and provide a sense of connection and hope.

Remember that talking with friends about suicide won’t make them kill themselves. People who talk about or try suicide do not want to die. They’re looking to escape the pain and cannot find another way. By addressing their feelings directly, you can help them feel understood and guide them toward healthier ways to manage their pain.

How to Start a Conversation About Suicide or Emotional Pain

Key points to remember when talking to a friend about suicide or emotional distress:

• Listen Without Judgment: Let them express their feelings openly without interrupting or criticizing.
• Validate Their Emotions: Acknowledge their pain and let them know it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
• Encourage Professional Support: Suggest therapists, counselors, or crisis hotlines as safe resources.
• Be Present and Supportive: Sometimes just being there and showing care is the most important thing you can do.

It is difficult to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves, or who is in denial that there is anything wrong. This is a hard situation to be in.

Sometimes, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do.

If your friend or family member allows you to, you can support them by being there, listening, and letting them know you care and want to support them in finding help.

You can put a list of resources together for your friend. Even if they don’t choose to enlist help right away, they may decide to during a time of need.

It’s always best if a person gets help before they are in a crisis, however, many people wait until then to get help. You can take someone to the Emergency Room before or during a crisis, and that’s how lots of people first start getting help.

Helping a friend through a tough time can be a great thing. Friends need each other during good and bad times. Being there for someone who needs you can be very rewarding. Simply note that it can also be hard and overwhelming. Caring for someone who requires a lot of your time and energy can become exhausting, so it’s important to recognize the emotional and mental demands involved.

Balancing Support and Self-Care

Taking care of yourself while helping a friend means that your own needs are also important. This can be easy to lose sight of when helping someone that requires a lot of your time and energy. It can become exhausting and tiring. Learn about things you can do to self-care while helping a friend.

This is especially true if you’re trying to help someone who is not taking responsibility for their condition or refusing to get professional help. Know that you are not responsible for your friend or family member’s condition. 

It takes many people to help someone going through a tough time. It’s not all up to you. Share the responsibility by reaching out to other friends, family members, teachers, guidance counsellors, family doctors or a counsellor/therapist. You can also reach out to other resources in the community so you can help your friend feel better.

Know the limitations of what you, as a student, can do to help those around you. Be as supportive as you feel comfortable being (without endangering your own mental/emotional wellbeing), and encourage your friend to reach out for professional help. You need to recognize that they may not be willing/ready to do this, and take care of your own health, too. ~ Mira, University student

Some tools you can use to help your friend create a safety plan for when times get tough, include Piecing it Together and Alice: Getting Unstuck in our Games & Tools, Safety Planning Section.

Some tools you can use to help your friend create a safety plan for when times get tough, include Piecing it Together and Alice: Getting Unstuck in our Games & Tools, Safety Planning Section.

For more guidance on supporting someone through a difficult time, read our guide on What Your Loved Ones Want You to Know About How to Support in a Difficult Time.