My Friend is in Crisis

Even if your friend isn’t in crisis right now, they may still need help. Watch for:

• Statements like: “I want to die”, “things would be better without me”, “I can’t go on like this”, “It will soon be over”, “they will be sorry when I’m not here”, or “I want to go to sleep and never wake up”
• Emotional changes: Your friend may appear to feel sad, helpless, hopeless, worthless, guilty, ashamed, exhausted, angry, confused, irritable or withdrawn.
• Unusual behaviour: Isolating themselves, giving away prized possessions, partying or using substances more than usual, unsafe sex or changes in libido, trouble making decisions, or under/overeating and under/oversleeping

If you’ve noticed these types of changes, ask your friend if he/she is thinking about suicide. Talking about it won’t give them the idea, but it may be what they’ve been waiting to hear to ask for help.

You don’t have to be certain something is seriously wrong before you check in. If your friend seems off and you’re carrying that worry around, that’s reason enough to reach out. Asking “hey, are you okay?” costs you nothing if you’re wrong, but it could mean everything if you’re right. It’s always better to ask and be wrong than to stay quiet and wonder later.

If your friend has:

• made a plan
• has the means to hurt themselves or someone else (e.g. pills or a weapon)
• attempted suicide or hurt themselves before

Please get them help immediately by doing one of the following:

• Call 911
• Go the nearest Emergency Hospital
• Call the local Emergency Response Service
• Connect them with confidential services in their area, like ConnexOntario

• Stay calm. Keep your voice steady and your presence non-judgmental; it helps your friend feel safer.
• Ask directly. It’s safe to ask, “Are you thinking about suicide or hurting yourself?” Direct questions don’t plant the idea; they open the door.
• Listen without trying to fix it. Focus on hearing and validating what they’re going through rather than jumping to solutions.
• Stay with them. Don’t leave a friend alone if they’re at immediate risk.

You don’t need the perfect words; you just need to start. Try something simple and honest, like: “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately, and I’m worried about you. Can we talk about what’s going on?” If they open up, resist the urge to jump straight to advice or solutions. Let them talk.

Ask follow-up questions gently, and if you’re concerned about their safety, it’s okay to ask direct questions.

If your friend refuses to get help, you may need to call 911 or your local emergency response team on their behalf. Remember that this is someone you care about, who may not be thinking clearly at this time. They may resist your efforts to help now, but later, when the crisis has passed, they will be alive to thank you.

If either of you need to talk to someone, but don’t need to call 911 or go to the emergency room, there are many other ways that you can get help!

It’s common for a friend in crisis to ask you to keep it between you, but you’re allowed to break that promise if their safety is at risk. Telling a trusted adult, calling a crisis line, or calling 911 isn’t a betrayal; it’s how you keep them safe when they may not be able to keep themselves safe. You can tell your friend honestly: “I care about you too much to keep this a secret if it means you could get hurt”.

If you want advice or information, you have options:

• Call ConnexOntario, Kids Help Phone or your local crisis service
• Talk to their friends, parents or brothers/sisters
• Talk to a guidance counsellor, your/your friend’s family doctor
• Ask for help in helping your friend! Read How Can I Help My Friend to see what else you and others can do.
• See mindyourmind’s full Mental Health Helpline & Resource List for more crisis and support lines across Canada

Stay connected. Checking in regularly, encouraging your friend to keep any follow-up appointments, and continuing to be present in the weeks after a crisis all support their recovery. You don’t have to do it alone; lean on the resources above for support along the way.