Being a new parent is tough regardless of how old you are, how you came to be a parent or what your family situation is. Even when you’re happy and excited to become a parent, it is a life-changing event that can be unexpectedly and profoundly stressful.

Becoming a parent, whether or not it’s your first child, can put pressure/strain on your relationships, emotions, time, energy, and physical health. It can be wonderful and the best thing to ever happen to you, but it is a lot to take on and changes your life forever. To add to this, there can be an expectation to do everything “right” while also being happy, grateful and cheerful on top of fully caring for a person 24/7.

The reality is that new parents, in particular new moms who have given birth to a baby, often struggle with the “baby blues” - a form of (usually temporary) depression which feels like low mood, sadness, irritability, low energy and apathy. Others may experience a form of heightened anxiety - extreme worry that can interfere with sleep, eating, and generally living life. Usually, these feelings subside as people adjust to their role as a parent and postpartum hormonal changes adjust and balance out.

Any parent might experience these things. Even adoptive parents and other caregivers who didn’t physically give birth to a child can experience a form of low mood or anxiety in the days after becoming a parent.

However, when these feelings are extreme, ongoing and affecting someone’s ability to live their life and/or care for their child, it might be a sign of postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression is treatable, but left untreated can complicate a person’s mental health ongoing and interfere with their life and ability to parent. In extreme cases, it can cause psychosis, neglect or abuse of children and thoughts/actions of harming one’s self or others.

It is not: 

• “Just a phase” or something someone can “snap out of”.
• A sign or result of low intelligence or weakness.
• Always caused by an event or definitive “reason”.

The following are some signs and symptoms for postpartum depression.

You'll notice that many of these signs and symptoms could be explained by any number of other health issues, or even be just the result of the life changes associated with having a new child (lack of sleep, changes in relationships, energy, time, etc.). Many of the thoughts, behaviours and feelings described here could be caused by the pressure and added worries of being a new parent. It can be hard to tell the difference between what is just regular new parent “stuff” and what is developing into a mental health concern.

Below is a list of signs and symptoms for the “baby blues”, which are very common and are temporary :

• Mood swings
• Anxiety
• Sadness
• Irritability
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Crying
• Reduced concentration
• Appetite problems
• Trouble sleeping

Postpartum depression may be mistaken for baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and last longer, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your child and handle other daily tasks. Postpartum depression requires treatment. Without it, it can last for months or longer and develop into more complicated and ongoing mental health issues:

• Depressed mood or severe mood swings
• Excessive crying
• Difficulty bonding with your baby
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual
• Inability to sleep (insomnia) or sleeping too much
• Overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy
• Reduced interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
• Intense irritability and anger
• Fear that you're not a good parent
• Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or feeling like you’re not “good enough”
• Hard to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions
• Severe anxiety and panic attacks
• Intrusive or alarming thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
• Repeated and intrusive thoughts of death or suicide

Postpartum psychosis is fairly rare, but is a serious mental illness that requires immediate medical attention:

• Confusion and disorientation
• Obsessive thoughts about your baby
• Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren’t real) and delusions (believing things that are not true)
• Sleep disturbances
• Paranoia
• Attempts to harm yourself or your baby

Like other mental health issues, postpartum depression will differ from person to person. Because each case is unique, the treatment will likely be unique for each individual.  In most cases, postpartum depression and anxiety are very treatable.

Treatment for postpartum depression may include a combination of strategies. Most often, a treatment strategy will include trying medication paired with psychotherapy. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is one type that can be helpful.

Support groups can be tremendously helpful for parents in general, but especially those struggling with postpartum mental health issues.

Sometimes, while a person is living with mental health issues like depression or anxiety, part of the treatment might be about treating individual symptoms on a temporary or ongoing basis to make someone feel more comfortable while they try to get better. For instance, if someone is having trouble sleeping, a doctor might suggest treatment strategies to help that person get some sleep.

It is very important that new parents have a network of support. This includes supportive, reassuring and non-judgemental partners, family members or friends. Having people around that can help with caring for a new child, taking care of chores or just checking in can make a huge difference.

A person living with postpartum depression, like any other person, will benefit from maintaining wellness and having good supports in their life.

Supporting someone with any type of serious illness can be challenging. Ways to help and support a friend or loved one who is living with postpartum depression:

• Know the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety
• Encourage professional help for your friend when needed (see Help Section)
• Make sure your own expectations of your loved one are realistic. Example: expecting someone who is coping with a new baby to be up, dressed and living in a spotless house is unrealistic at the best of times, let alone for someone who is struggling with an illness.
• There are many different ways to be a parent. If your friend is not doing things the way you would, it doesn't mean that it’s wrong. Unless you fear for the safety or wellbeing of the children, avoid the temptation to judge someone or intervene in another person’s parenting style.
• Try to be reassuring and calm if your friend is feeling particularly anxious about something, even if the worry seems out of proportion to reality. Trying to apply logic or talk someone out of their anxiety isn’t always effective or helpful.
• Offer real help with daily responsibilities. Sometimes lots of people offer to visit, bring food etc. in the early days and weeks after a new child has arrived, but then that help disappears when it might be needed most in later months. Make specific offers for things you can do to help out, like household cleaning, folding and putting away laundry, taking the garbage out, bringing over coffee or a hot meal, taking baby out for a walk etc.
• Give genuine praise to your loved one when you see them doing things to care for their child. Sometimes people can feel like they’re not doing anything “right”, and having someone notice and say something positive about their parenting skills might give them a boost.
• Help with child care. This could mean having a standing “date” to take the baby for a walk once a week, spending the night to help with nighttime feedings or looking after the baby for an evening to give parents a break. Having time to yourself is good for anyone, especially a new parent. It can make a world of difference.
• Help your loved one connect to community and health resources. Support groups, parent and baby drop-ins, public health nurse visits, etc. are helpful, and someone who is struggling may not be in the right frame of mind to research these things for themselves.
• Treatment is a process. Medications and therapy can take time to help. Be aware of this and try to be supportive as your friend adjusts.
• Stay calm and don’t take things personally. Sometimes mental illness can really distort how someone perceives conversations or situations. How someone reacts or communicates when they have depression or anxiety may be confusing, distressing or even hurtful at times. They may be feeling overwhelmed and acting out, and it’s probably not about you.
• Set some boundaries for yourself, and take care. You can’t help someone if you’re feeling overwhelmed yourself.