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Queen Regardless, Moji Ajibona

Female empowerment is discussed often when people talk about what they need to feel freedom and ease about living in their society as a woman. At the same time, empowerment is a process you need to live to get that confidence and help support other women. Queen Regardless is focused on helping women feel empowered with their mission of spreading their messages and hope to inspire a feeling of worthiness among all women. Author Moji Ajibona shared with mindyourmind all about what women should be proud of, and what Queen Regardless is offering! Inspiring and authentically supporting other women is something we need more of. Enjoy the interview and make sure to give them a follow!

Can you tell us how Queen Regardless was created and what the name represents to you?

Queen Regardless was created to emotionally empower women and remind them of their innate worthiness. When we hear the term “female empowerment”, we’ll often find that the support provided is mostly economic or financial in nature. While these forms of support have in themselves been very helpful, we believe that traditional female empowerment has a major limitation, in that it does little to help the vast majority of women who feel a deep inner sense of unworthiness. Such a person is likely to sabotage the good things in her life simply because she doesn't feel worthy of them.  

I myself have had firsthand experience of this, as a person who struggled with self-worth a big chunk of her life. First, as a child who grew up in an economically challenged home and then as an adult who made a lot of mistakes and wrong choices in her friendships, relationships and career as a result of low self-worth.

All of these life circumstances and events are contributory to how a person perceives themselves and can easily make us forget that such events do not have to determine our worth. Looking around me and seeing that I wasn’t alone, that this feeling was the same for so many other women like me, struggling with their sense of self worth, inspired the launch of Queen Regardless.

For some women, their feelings of unworthiness grew as a result of their weight, some because of the mistakes they’ve made in their lives, their skin colour, their socio economic background and a number of other real or imagined inadequacies.

The name Queen Regardless, is a loving reminder that Regardless of all of these things that makes you feel less-than-worthy, you are still a Queen! Hence, Queen Regardless. Queen Regardless is simply an affirmation of worthiness, of every woman’s innate royalty status.

You have an active online presence with your social media accounts. What is your goal with the messages you put on those platforms?

Our goal is to reach millions of women across the world with our message of self-kindness, inner healing, self-love, emotional freedom and ultimately emotional independence. 

We do this by providing timely reminders that they are always worthy and always enough regardless of everything that makes them feel inadequate. We also share healing resources, helpful tips and articles that foster our audience's sense of self.

Our platform is for women who are on varying stages of their self worth journeys and no matter where you are on your journey, we all need these reminders and a sense of community so that we don't fall off the wagon when life inevitably comes at us.

What is a “Community of Worthy Women”? And could you tell us a bit about the importance of the word “worthy”

Worthiness, according to the Oxford dictionary, is the quality of being good enough. It is safe to say that 6 out of 10 women struggle with an inner feeling of unworthiness, and we are being very modest with these figures.This means that 6 out of 10 women do not feel good enough for varying reasons; even though in reality, they are often more than good enough. This means that 6 out of 10 women are showing up as unworthy and undeserving in their relationships, in their workplaces, their families, everywhere! Imagine living life, constantly questioning your worth.

Queen Regardless is the stirring up of the innate worthy Queen in every woman. We hold an unshakeable belief that every woman is an innately worthy queen, who deserves all the good things life has to offer, and it is of utmost urgency and importance that we bring this message to as many women as possible, all around the world. Queen Regardless does not aim to build women into anything new, it is reminding them of who they already are: Worthy.

A woman who knows her worth is immensely powerful. She is emotionally independent and truly unstoppable! She will make empowered choices in her life and will go confidently in the direction of her dreams. She'll demand what she truly deserves from life, never settling for less because she knows she's worthy of the very best!

Worthiness is our why, our core, it is what our community is all about. We dream of a World in which every woman is free from the shackles of low self worth. 

How can women change their self talk to a more positive vibe?

The first step to changing our self talk is to become aware of the stories we are telling ourselves. Journaling and the use of self-awareness journal prompts can help increase self awareness. When we are aware, we can better observe ourselves when we say these things and begin to address them. 

Changing your self talk to something more positive takes deliberate effort and practice, but it is absolutely worth it. One helpful tool is to observe when you say these things to yourself and instantly reframe it to a positive statement. Please be kind to yourself through this and be mindful of self-judgement which does more harm than good. In time, your mind will get the message and start rewiring towards positivity. 

Another helpful tool would be practicing self talk and positive affirmations in front of a mirror every morning. This is a simple but very effective method. You can make a list of recurring negative thoughts you often have about yourself and recite the positively reframed version of it to yourself in front of the mirror. For example, replacing “I am ugly” with “I am beautiful, I love my body and I am way more than what I look like”. Doing this repeatedly will go a long way in changing negative self talk to a positive one.

Finally, keeping a daily gratitude journal can help us have a more positive outlook on life, thus changing our negative self talk. Simply write 5 things you are grateful for about your day, just before going to bed every night. Some people might prefer to do this first thing every morning. It is a fun and mood boosting exercise that can also help bring more abundance into our lives. 

What kind of self talk or statements sabotage female friendships and how can they get past their hurt feelings to move forward?

There are a varied number of messages and discovering them all starts with questioning our belief systems around relationships and friendships. 

These stories can vary from “I don’t deserve this, I am not good enough”,  “Everyone I love leaves, so I better mess this up before they leave me again” to  “I’m too damaged, I’ll mess this up”

These are just a few. Half the time, these stories don’t make logical sense and are often as a result of some form of trauma in our past. They are coping mechanisms our bodies came up with in order to protect us or in order for us to survive a certain time in our lives but now that we are no longer in harm's way, these negative beliefs can continue to run our lives. It’s up to us if we notice that we have been sabotaging our relationships, to find out the stories we are telling ourselves that are propelling us towards self-sabotage and then find ways to lovingly release them. The first step to dealing with anything is becoming aware of it.

If young adults are feeling depressed or unworthy, where can they start to discover healthy coping skills to build up their self esteem?

First of all, please know that you are not your depression, you are not that feeling of unworthiness. These are things that are happening to you and they by no means define you. You are still worthy, enough and a Queen, regardless. Our refusal to over identify with our negative feelings means that they gradually lose their hold over our lives and it is a powerful way to cope with difficult emotions. 

Also know that you are loved, you are not alone and there is no shame in being where you are. Practicing radical acceptance and self compassion can help us take our power back and better manage our feelings. 

A simple coping mechanism I have personally found helpful is practicing self care. And I know this can be difficult for a lot of people with serious mental or emotional health issues so I’d like to encourage you to do the next best caring thing you can for yourself. This could be as simple as brushing your teeth or making tea or taking a walk. 

When life gets tough, we all need a support system, a safe space, a community. Try to find a community of people online or offline, that reinforce and strengthen you. This is where a community like Queen Regardless and several other mental health and inner-healing-focused online communities can be very helpful. 

But beyond just coping, I believe in deep inner healing and this involves dealing with the source of our emotional unrest at the core and eliminating it at the core. I also believe in taking responsibility for where we are, not because where we are is our fault, but as a way to take our power back and steer our lives in the direction we choose. 

This involves finding the “Why” behind the way we feel. Why do you feel unworthy? Why do you feel anxious or fearful or down? Journaling can be a useful tool in getting clear on our feelings.

After finding out the “why”, the next step is to uninstall that limiting belief by using a healing modality. I am very big on self healing but I know that not everyone is there yet or interested and that’s totally okay. You can seek help through therapy and any other healing modality that you feel comfortable with. One modality I have found very helpful is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It is simple, effective and can be easily done by yourself at home.

Please know that there is no shame in needing help and asking for it. Help can come in the form of medical support, holistic therapy or support from friends and family especially for those people dealing with depression. And I say all these not as an expert on depression or mental health illnesses but as someone who has also gone through and recovered from her own mental/emotional health issues. You are not weak for seeking help, what you are is brave and there is no merit badge for doing the hard things alone. 

Finally, we must never think of healing and the self-worth journey as a one and done journey. Healing is not linear, it takes time and a way to support ourselves through this is by practicing patience and self compassion. Regardless of how much progress we think we’ve made in our healing journeys, our emotional states, just like our physical bodies, need constant maintenance to stay in shape. And this we can achieve through a daily gratitude practice, having an accountability partner and being deliberate about the people and things we surround ourselves with, online or offline. 

What are some messages or lessons learned you would tell your ‘younger self’?

I’ve come to observe that a lot of us believe that if we aren't hard on ourselves, then we aren't taking our lives seriously. When in fact, it only increases pressure, overwhelm and resentment towards ourselves. This was something I struggled with growing up; self judgement and being hard on myself even when I was trying my best. 

So, I would tell my younger self that no matter what the question is, the answer is never self judgement or self criticism. I’ll tell her that being kind to herself, no matter what, does not mean she is being lazy, complacent, or satisfied with the status quo. It means that she loves herself regardless of how badly she may think she’s messed things up. I’ve learnt that when you support yourself with compassion, you can bounce back from your mistakes easier, you are happier and you are kinder to others. The World needs more people who are kind to themselves.

What is the future of you and Queen Regardless? How can people keep learning about it all?

The future looks like sharing our message with more and more women all over the World till we become a world wide community and force to reckon with. We know this is not going to happen overnight but we believe in taking one inspired step after another. 

Follow us on our Instagram @Queenregardless_ to keep up with our daily content that awakens the worthy queen in you. You can also read our Blog on Queen Regardless for more helpful articles.

In the coming weeks, we will be launching our weekly newsletter and a free ebook where we’ll be sharing even more healing resources and self empowering messages. Please stay tuned to these launches by following us on Instagram.

Photos by Moji Ajibona