How to Support a Friend Who’s Struggling (A Youth Guide to Peer Support)

When a friend is struggling, it can be hard to know what to do. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, making things worse, or not being helpful enough. 

This guide is here to make peer support feel less scary. You do not need to have all the answers. Supporting a friend can start with listening, showing care, and helping them feel less alone. Peer support is built on respect, empathy, shared responsibility, and hope.¹ 

If you are worried your friend may be in danger or needs urgent support, mindyourmind’s guide on what to do when your friend is in crisis can help you understand what steps to take. 

What Peer Support Really Means 

Peer support means being there for someone in a caring and respectful way. It is not about fixing their life, diagnosing them, or becoming their counsellor. It is about listening, believing them, and helping them feel supported while they figure out what they need. 

Good peer support can help someone feel heard, understood, and less alone. It can also remind them that support exists and that recovery or healing can look different for everyone.¹ 

What to Say When a Friend Opens Up 

If your friend tells you they are struggling, try to stay calm and listen. A simple response can mean a lot. 

You could say: 

• “I’m really glad you told me.” 
• “That sounds really hard.” 
• “I’m here with you.” 
• “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?” 
• “Would it help to talk to someone you trust?” 

Try not to rush into fixing everything. Sometimes people need space to say what they are feeling before they are ready to make a plan. Listening, showing concern, and reminding someone they are not alone can be helpful when someone is in emotional distress.² 

What Not to Say to a Friend Who Is Struggling 

Even kind people can say things that feel hurtful by accident. Some comments can make a friend feel judged, rushed, or brushed off. 

Try to avoid saying: 

• “Just be positive.” 
• “Other people have it worse.” 
• “You’re overreacting.” 
• “You’ll get over it.” 
• “It’s not that serious.” 

Instead, focus on validating what they feel. You can say, “I may not fully understand, but I care about you and I want to listen.” 

When to Get Help for a Friend 

There are times when a friend needs more support than you can give on your own. If your friend talks about wanting to die, hurting themselves, feeling like a burden, or not wanting to be here, take it seriously. Other warning signs can include pulling away from people, saying goodbye, giving things away, big mood changes, feeling hopeless, or using substances more than usual.² 

If your friend is in immediate danger, has a plan to hurt themselves, or has already hurt themselves, do not keep it a secret. Tell a trusted adult, call 911, go to the nearest emergency department, or contact crisis support. If someone is thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 in Canada for 24/7 support.² 

Getting help is not betraying your friend. It is helping keep them safe. If you are also feeling scared, overwhelmed, or unsure what to do, mindyourmind’s I’m in Crisis page can help you understand your own next steps too. 

Take Care of Yourself Too 

Supporting a friend can feel heavy, especially if they keep coming to you with serious problems. You can care about someone and still need boundaries. 

It is okay to say, “I care about you, but I think we need more help with this.” It is also okay to talk to a trusted adult, school counsellor, family member, or support line for advice. 

Peer support works best when it is respectful and safe for both people.¹ You are allowed to protect your own mental health while supporting someone else. Resting, taking breaks, and using self-care and coping tools can help you stay grounded. 

Final Thoughts on Helping a Friend Who Is Struggling 

You do not have to say everything perfectly to be a good friend. What matters is showing care, listening with respect, and knowing when the situation needs more support. 

A simple check-in can matter. A calm conversation can matter. Helping someone connect with support can matter. 

Being there for a friend is powerful, but you do not have to carry it alone. Support is available for your friend, and it is available for you too. 

References 

1. Mental Health Commission of Canada. Guidelines for the Practice and Training of Peer Support 
   https://mentalhealthcommission.ca/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Guidelines-for-the-Practice-and-Training-of-Peer-Support.pdf 

2. Government of Canada. Preventing suicide: When and how to help https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/suicide-prevention/warning-signs.html