It has been many years ago now since I first heard this term. When I first heard someone mention it I laughed at the thought that they could possibly be referring to me. My life was full of stress and anxiety was my adrenaline most days. One of my supervisors where I was working at the time strongly suggested and gave me the time off to take a stress management class. So I am pretty sure that my anxiety and stress showed up on the outside like an abstract painting on a canvas of chaos.
It is pretty much inevitable that when you are juggling work, family, extended family, the errands and house upkeep, and trying to fit in school activities, entertainment, and the occasional chance to sleep that you might just be stressed out. At first you are so busy that you do not even realize that there is anything wrong. And sometimes, as in my case, you will not be the first person to notice. Sure I knew I was tired but I thought everyone else was too and that we were all just one big happy go lucky stressed out culture.
My supervisor was a terrific person; I was really blessed at that time because it could have turned really ugly depending on the supervisor. Because my supervisor was much more concerned about me than my work at that point, they did not add more stress by reprimanding me; instead they suggested the stress management class. My supervisor pointed out that a few things were getting sloppy and minor things were falling through the cracks. And also, on occasion, I was getting a little bit short with some of my co-workers and that was unusual for me to do.
Quickly my mind went to my family and especially my children and I wondered if they had been suffering from the consequences of my stress as well. I knew what the answer was before I asked myself; I was previously just unwilling to face the truth. I thought of all the times I had hurried the kids to bed, cut them off in their conversations, and had been short with them recently. My supervisor pointing out my obvious stress actually came as quite a relief to me. I had cut for myself a much larger piece of the pie that is “life” than I could handle and something needed to change. I loved my family and I wanted them to have the best and that is not what they were getting, not to mention the rest of my life.
I took my supervisor up on the offer even though I was concerned about things getting even farther behind in my work. Sometimes our life choices turn into a catch twenty two situation and we just have to choose the best option. I originally thought that it was going to be a very long week when I walked into the class but was quite pleasantly surprised at the outcome. Even though as they began the class they started out talking about the Bag Lady Syndrome and I could not imagine how that applied to me.
One of the best things about this particular stress management class to me personally was that is was led by two guys who were really funny and their humor matched my own. In my opinion nothing relieves stress better than humor. I have always handled stressful situations with humor pretty much my entire life. If I happened to have an awful day it is not surprising to those that really know me well that I will re-tell the story and have everyone laughing as if I was telling a joke. Some may say that I stretch the truth just a tad just to get a laugh but it is somehow psychologically helpful to me and as I tell the story, my stress just seems to melt away. I suppose that has something to do with my sanguine personality but it has always served me well as a way to share hard things without sending people fleeing every time they see me coming. I get to share and they get a good laugh so it seems to me to be a win-win situation.
Anyway, these guys were really funny and made stressful situations humorous which was right up my alley. They began by saying that most of us have this Bag Lady Syndrome but we just simply did not know it had a name. They asked us how many times we had come into work a few minutes late and ran smack dab into the boss? Our minds then register the look on his face to mean we are in trouble even if his mind might be on the meeting he is going to. We go to our office or work station and sit down and immediately contemplate what our boss’ next move is going to be. In our minds, all within a few short minutes, he calls us in and fires us right on the spot. After that we picture ourselves losing everything we own including our homes because we can never find another job. Before long we find ourselves homeless walking around with a grocery cart full of our prized possessions and sleeping in a cardboard box.
Now when the group leaders started talking about this “syndrome” I actually thought it was hysterical. But as they broke it down for us I realized there was more truth in it than I originally thought. Even though many of us do not take our scenarios all the way to becoming a homeless person we do often go to some really strange places in our minds. We end up fabricating stories in our minds where the end results from basically innocent situations turn into our worst nightmares. Just think about the last time you were talking to a group of people you did not know well and one or two of them looked at you with what you conceived of as a look of disapproval. How did that scenario go in your head?
Learning about this syndrome has been extremely helpful to me in my life. I knew I had the tendency to sometimes let my mind get out of hand but I never realized how detrimental this could be to my psyche. So many of us expend so much energy thinking about all the“what ifs” in life so much so that we impede much of our mental and emotional growing opportunities. We are more wrapped up with what could be than the truth of reality.
After this stress management group and I worked through our bag lady issues, at the end of a very productive week, we were all awarded a very special coffee cup that I have kept with me for all these years. On the front this cup simply said “An Amazing Being’s Cup” and on the back it has these wonderful words of wisdom that I have read over and over again since that day. And each time I read them it reminds me how much easier life can be if we take life one day, no, one moment at a time and remember what is truth and what is truly important:
“Stress is resistance to change.
Stress is a signal a change is needed.
Stress occurs whenever I am unable to create a positive image of success in my mind.
The worst I can be is ineffective.
What I am unaware of controls me, what I become aware of I can change.
Choose not to take things personally.
Be curious about life and its lessons.
Breathe Deeper.
Relax Profoundly.
Reassure yourself.
Think and Act Positive.
Smile more.
Pray sincerely.
Love everyone.”
– Resource Associates-Managing the Stress of Change