When I was a teen I was very stressed. Everything in life seemed overwhelming to me and although I made good grades and went to school every day that was about all the energy I had. I remember waking up with a stomach ache every morning dreading going to school, but even more dreading to come home. Weekends were the worst. Even as much as I hated high school, I hated being home all day more.
It wasn’t that my family was mean to me. They just needed me a lot. I was the ‘good child’; the one that would help out without complaining or whining. I was the only one who would listen and follow directions. I was the responsible one. And it was killing me.
So I spent all my time outside of school doing chores, helping out, and being a sounding board for complaints. After all, I was the only one who could listen. But I took everything a step further. I felt responsible for everyone in my family’s happiness and health. I did the best I could to keep their lives as easy and trouble free as possible.
Needless to say, that alone would stress anyone out. But more than that, the more I did the less they did and the more I had to do. I didn’t have friends outside of class because I had no time for them. I had little time for activities or even church groups. I was already pretty shy and withdrawn and this just made it worse.
There was no one outside my family to talk to so I thought this was all perfectly normal. In fact I kind of thought most other teens were lazy and ungrateful kids because they didn’t help out their families as much as I did.
Unfortunately for me I lived this way for many years before I figured out it was not healthy for me or for them. As adults, they were perfectly capable of taking care of their own needs or finding outside help. As a teen I should have been focused on making connections and forming a life of my own.
I know it is virtually unheard of for teens to be too responsible, but I know that it happens. Taking on more than you need to is a bad habit to get into and can be very difficult to break. You feel like you are the only one holding everything together and if you let go your whole world will collapse.
But think about it: if you really are the only one holding your world together is that the kind of world you want to live in? Let it collapse! Believe it or not the adults around you will wake up and take their spots once you get out of the way.
I know that everyone’s circumstances are different, but you can’t feel responsible for the whole world as a teen. Even as an adult you can only take on so much.
Learn to let go of what is not your responsibility. That may mean discomfort and even hard consequences for those around you, but it is not your job to fix them. You can help them carry their load if they need it, but you shouldn’t carry it for them.
Learning to set boundaries first within yourself and then with others is a great way to reduce the stress in your life and function in a healthier way. You can say no. Just like they taught you to say no to peer pressure as a little kid, you can say no to family pressure as a teen. You don’t have to get angry or rebellious. Simply say no. You don’t even have to give, or have, a reason. Your family should respect your no. The more you stand up for yourself the more respect they will give you.
Setting boundaries can be stressful in itself, but it is well worth it. Don’t be like me and waste years of your life trying to fix everyone around you and make them happy. They won’t be and you can’t make them. You can only take care of yourself. Once you are happy, healthy, and balanced then you will have love leftover to give to others.
If you are feeling stressed, emotionally empty, and hopeless it may be because you need to set boundaries in your life with others. No matter how much you love them, you need to take care of your needs first. It is not selfish, it is survival. Once you have your life in order you can help others, but what kind of help will you be to them as a stressed out wreck?
Family, friends, and loved ones can sometimes put more on us than we can take. It is up to us to tell them no and to show them where the line they cannot cross is. They don’t know what you are feeling and many times will assume as long as you don’t stop them or say something that everything is okay.
Don’t bottle up your feelings and don’t put more on yourself than you need to. Speak up when you are tired or overwhelmed. Say no. The people who love you will still love you even if you have to take a break. The people who leave were just using you anyway and you are better off without them. Don’t wind up tired and empty; live a healthy, low stress life and take care of yourself.
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