Lately, life has tested my ability to be compassionate with myself when I make mistakes. Since I was young, I associated making mistakes with negative consequences, which led me to strive for perfection in everything I did. I believed that being perfect would prevent me from getting in trouble or upsetting others. But thinking this way disregards that I am human and that every mistake is a learning opportunity.
I recently joined a dance team. Growing up in Colombia, I was surrounded by Latin dance and music at every party and family gathering. My parents like to say that I danced salsa before I could even walk. Whenever I salsa dance, my heart feels full, and I feel the most like myself. This year, I wanted to improve my skills, and the idea of joining a performance team was so exciting. I tried out, did my best, and was thrilled to make the team. My experience these past months has been lovely. I have loved learning, challenging myself, and meeting amazing humans! Seeing all the passion, time, and work that dancers put in behind the scenes is so inspiring.
I had never performed on stage before, so on the day of our first performance, I felt a mix of excitement, anxiety, and self-doubt. Once on stage, I was nervous but focused on applying everything I had learned and giving my best. Despite wanting to be perfect, I made mistakes. It could be that no one noticed a thing, but my mistakes were very noticeable to me. After the performance, It felt like my heart sunk. I felt an immense sense of shame. I kept questioning myself and how these mistakes happened even after so much practice and time. Navigating through these feelings felt like a downward spiral.
That’s when it hit me. I don’t know how to respond well when I make mistakes. For so long, I associated mistakes with shame and repercussions rather than growth. I associated these mistakes with not being good enough. However, dance and performance are skills that I can continue to build with practice and time, and within that, it’s normal to make mistakes. To navigate these difficult emotions and thoughts, I applied some skills and coping strategies I’ve learned during my mental health journey.
- I first used breathing techniques, like box breathing, to calm my anxiety and very fast breathing. Deep breaths helped me stay grounded and present.
- I reached out to my support circle. I felt that all my self-doubt and anxious thoughts had to be shared out loud with people who know and love me. Sometimes, their words and perspectives can help me reframe these difficult thoughts.
- I tried to talk to myself with the same love and compassion I would with a friend. This was hard, but so helpful!
- I engaged in self-care activities that bring me joy: I ordered my favourite food, watched a comfort show, went to the gym and had a little picnic date with myself 🙂
These coping skills helped me so much in the moment and in the following days, and now that I recognize my mindset, I’m learning more and more skills for the future. Sharing this experience feels vulnerable, but I hope it resonates with anyone struggling with a similar mindset about perfectionism. We need to remember that perfection doesn’t exist. Be kind to yourself, embrace mistakes as part of being human, and see them as opportunities for growth and learning. I’ll try to do it too <3
The blogs “The Pursuit of Perfection” and “Are You Being ‘Perfect’ instead of Being Real” also talk about perfectionism and show different perspectives and experiences. I encourage you to check them out!
Try this mental health resource sheet to build a personalized self-care kit, brainstorm activities that prioritize your well-being, and explore various types of self-care.