Dear Friends,
Last week, my friend, Rob Hamer, died from the diseases of addiction and depression. The specifics don’t matter. You would only have to tell me that a person has suffered and died from addiction and I know what that means. Addiction separates us. It is cunning in its ability to get us alone. Addiction is not so much interested in a quick kill. It likes to draw it out and dismantle your life first. Then it will kill you.
Rob suffered from addiction AND depression. This deadly combination placed him in a unique category consisting of people whose time is short on this Earth if they are unable to break out of the mind-prison they are stuck in. Rob was very intelligent and sweet-hearted. He was sensitive and aware. He struggled with extremely low feelings of self-worth. He had this pattern where whenever he made a mistake, he would really come down hard on himself. Because he felt life so acutely, he would then spiral into depression and get stuck there for long periods.
Some time ago, he had an operation on his arm and was introduced to opiates. Giving Oxycontin to someone who struggled in the ways Rob did was a big mistake. Opiates are pain killers. They kill physical pain, yes, but also emotional pain. Once Rob felt the relief that Oxycontin provided, he was a sitting duck for acute addiction. Those doctors could never have known that they were using kerosene to try to put out a fire. Of course, this is not Rob’s full story, but it is an important thread. This intro to opiates was where things took a real turn for the worse for Rob.
My heart goes out to Rob’s family, his parents and siblings. They have to face the grief of having lost a child and a brother. They will, perhaps, have the added challenge of wondering if there was anything else that could have been done or perhaps if things could have been done differently. They surely know firsthand the powerlessness that exists in trying to love and inspire a human being out of the darkness of addiction. They gave everything they had at their disposal, used every manner of trying to shake Rob from the grasp of the awful diseases that gripped him. They loved him in every way possible. I beg of them to hear this: THERE IS NOTHING MORE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DONE. This was the way things had to unfold and we are left with the mystery of not knowing why. We are not permitted to understand why this had to be this way. We have to embrace the mystery, and yet be rid of the fantasy that we could have prevented this from happening.
The memories of the recent past of Rob in his addiction are difficult to release. Yet, if all we were to remember of Rob was the way he was as a man struggling with addiction we would have a tragically incomplete picture of his character and spirit. Remember Rob before he was taken over by addiction. Remember his laugh, his humor, his intelligence. These are the true memories of who he was.
Rob could not find his way through addiction in this incarnation. It is my prayer that his spirit be liberated for having done the difficult work and for having made the tough sacrifices he had to in this life. Wherever his soul’s journey might lead him next, may he realize his connection to all things and be free from all suffering. As for Rob’s family, I can only offer these words as a condolence for what has transpired. Please know in your hearts that everything is okay. Even with all you are facing there is hope and peace and love and a meaning to it even if it eludes us temporarily. We are tied into a common tapestry together. I can’t explain how it works. I just know we will see each other again in one form or another, and there will be peace.
In Loving Appreciation of a Brother who fell to the disease of addiction.
Tommy Rosen
