Seedling
Blossom represents growth, healing, beauty, and strength which can help you to find the ability to be unstoppable. This book is of simple truths as a gift, in order to help others understand that a mentally ill person looks just like everyone else. I want to share this with everyone around me who, have known me for years, but have not known about this. It is the first time that I am speaking out about myself. It’s important for you to know that I am a loving person. I am a daughter; a sister. I am a mother, to three strong children whom I believe in. I am an aunt, to four nephews and one niece, whom I cherish. Some people are misinformed or afraid to ask about what they don’t understand. Hopefully this work will not only educate, but also inspire. Men, women and children alike need to realize they are not alone in this battle. However silent and private it may feel, you are not alone. Here are all the positive thoughts, and things I believe in, strive for, love, and appreciate. All on paper, so that when you read them, they may somehow give you the warm feeling of sunshine on your face. The feeling truly is lovely. Surround yourself with beauty whenever you can. Whether you are at home, at work, or anywhere in between, relax. Take the time to invest in things that will provide you comfort and joy.
Walk off the stress, all of it! Laugh so hard you fall down, it’s exhilarating and will leave you out of breath. Keep your family close; give them all the love you can because we are all just trying to survive. Challenges can be positive; such as learning a new language, a fun dance routine, or how to play a different musical instrument. Culture is all around us and we can constantly learn from it. I appreciate horses, music and dancing. You have to allow your body feel the rhythm, and allow it to move you. Jump, run, fly, walk, however it makes you smile. I enjoy listening to sea shells in the quiet of my living room, while my cats purr. Regardless of what is going on in my life, I have to make sure that I take time to enjoy the little things. Even something as simple as a phone call from a friend is valuable in its own way. It isn’t the things I possess but the beauty of creation that allows me to cope. Opening up a grapefruit and finding a growing bud makes me smile, while sunrises and sunsets are like a colourful dance in my heart. From listening to song birds sing, to basking in the smell of the rain during a thunderstorm, all the gifts that nature has to give are precious to me. Gardening is therapeutic. I love getting my hands dirty. Embracing the soil, the water, the seeds, and watching the plants grow.
Those of you who have pets know that the variety of gentle kindness and power tied together by love amongst all in the animal kingdom is both humbling and entertaining at the same time. Without a sense of humour, the joy of witnessing that may pass us by. So to everyone who has been affected by some sort of mental illness; fight it daily to keep the light sparkling, like the reflection of delicate snowflakes on the pine and cedar trees. We have to hold it together. Please do not ever be afraid to ask for help. I will admit, I was so embarrassed that I did not tell my children when I sought treatment, but I know now that reaching out was the best thing I could have done. I was so fragile and terrified, I was questioning if I could trust my own mother, but my Grandfather assured me I was being brave and doing the right thing when I did. I will never forget his loving hands on mine, sharing how he felt. No matter how difficult your family situation is, make the best of it. Our parents aren’t perfect, but we still need to respect them, because they did the best they could. Childhood love is something that does not change, and hopefully we will all become grandparents one day and be better people for it.
Dispersal
When you feel as if you are being broken apart and untied, remember to hold onto your silk threads of life. Enjoy the food you eat, prepare it with love. Appreciate that you have food today. Even if you eat alone you still matter, so take the time to give your body the nourishment it needs. Use colourful fruits, vegetables, fish, chicken, and a little wine. Treasure the times that you are able to share with family and friends, as it is precious. So many people are connected to computers, MP3 players, and cell phones that a simple hello is being forgotten. Paying attention to your surroundings is being taken for granted. Common courtesy is no longer so common, but it is what gets you through the day. A kind gesture, such as helping someone off of the bus doesn’t take much. Don’t forget to always be polite and smile. It’s the lives that touch you personally and people who make a difference that help you become a better person. I have two mentors who are both strong women that have dealt with considerable struggle and survived making great lives for themselves. They have set an amazing example, not only for me, but for all single women and mothers in general. They both give constant support and loving guidance, reminding me that anything is possible with hard work, and for me to keep going no matter what comes along as discouragement.
Be to someone else, what others have been for you. Give back in a positive way by volunteering at a local food bank, hospital, retirement home or animal shelter. Not only will the giving of your time help you feel connected, it will teach you to not take what you do have for granted. Sometimes people come into your life and try to take control; to make you feel like you are not good enough. This can be one of the hardest things to handle, especially if you already doubt yourself. Do whatever you can to prevent having your spirit broken or your character questioned. Don’t waste time with negativity; while it may be hard to walk away, there are good people left in the world, and you can find them. Positive people that will lift your spirits, make you laugh, and most importantly, allow you to be you. Don’t let anyone change the person that you are. The only reason you should change is if you are developing for personal gratification. Risks are there for the taking, and those moments may only come once in a lifetime. If you don’t take a chance you may never know what you could be missing out on. Be passionate about everything you do, live it, hold it, trust it, and allow it. Imagine your favorite dessert, and how it makes you feel. The feeling you get from standing your ground is honestly better than that. Sacrifice only when necessary!
Vegetative State
My PTSD has stemmed from a horrific, domestic, violent trauma. My psychiatrist called it psychological warfare, and I like to think that I’m winning the battles. Denial by definition is a defense mechanism used when a person is faced with a fact too uncomfortable to accept. When this happens we justify actions and rationalize them by lying to ourselves and others about the real issue. On a daily basis I would ask myself how it got like this and how I could get out, but the hold he had on me was so strong, it made me question every part of my life. I felt I wasn’t good enough, and couldn’t accomplish anything without him. I was dead inside, and thought that was how I was supposed to feel. Told myself this is normal, and that every time he hurt me he was sorry, even though I knew he wasn’t. When the abuse worsened I told myself that I deserved to be treated like an animal, and as long as he was hurting me, he would not hurt my children. It took a long time to realize that I was hurting them more by staying. I kept telling myself I was ok, but I know now that I truly was not. Finally I realized that it wasn’t alright. I left, and when he found me, I stood my ground even though I was terrified of what he would do. But I refused to be a victim any longer, especially to someone who said that I was the one who taught him love. Love is a verb; an action word, so when you say it, make it count. When used improperly it can hurt as if your heart is bleeding out slowly with every beat.
Flowering
Grant your own permission to hold your head high, and laugh at your mistakes, regardless of where you are or who you are with. Advocate for what you believe in, and do your best to find what you desire. Set goals and visualize them coming to fruition. When you are having a conversation with someone, make eye contact. Not only does it help with the general communication and connection, but with concentration as well. Don’t just hear what you are being told, listen and appreciate, so as to not miss something important. If you have children, respect them by loving and listening to them. Do the best you can to teach them about drugs and sex while they are still at home. Sometimes this is not good enough, but tomorrow is always a new day. Respect the elderly, and realize that they need us as much as we need them. They are the next generations’ educators. Age happens quickly; so we need to be prepared for our role to change from nurtured to nurturer. Invest in yourself, live simply, thrive on nature, and don’t forget to breathe. You cannot love someone else if you are afraid to be true to who you are, and accept who that is. When you look in the mirror and really see you at your best, you will attract the best for you, because true love exists even for those with broken hearts. Realize that love is everywhere you turn, and while you may be blinded by it at times, never settle for less. Accept your body, and know that beauty does not stop at your outward appearance. The media gives the impression that women and girls need to meet a certain standard. Set your own standards; show the world that healthy comes in all shapes and sizes. If you obsess over what you don’t like when you look in the mirror, you will miss what makes you unique. While there is a time in all our lives where we don’t feel good enough, keep in mind your fire doesn’t need any more fuel than it already has.
Regeneration
Take criticism as it helps us become better at whatever we are learning. Sometimes it may not feel constructive, but it will help you balance out the imperfections. Be honest and gentle, since we can be our own worst enemy. Be thankful for everything you have since it only takes a second for it all to be gone. Share what is going on with a friend, a lover or a spouse. Someone who accepts you for all the good and bad, and realizes that change is healthy. This way you have support in whatever way you need be it emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical. Curl up with them, give all you have and don’t hold back. Happiness is what you make it. There is no insurance or any monthly fee. It is something frightening we wait for, that we allow into our lives, while at the same time thinking it won’t actually come. Don’t let fear prevent you from doing what you love. Don’t rely on material things to make you happy. Capture the moments that bring you peace, and accept what you definitely cannot change. If you are able to, and things aren’t working out in any aspect of your life, make a change. Blossom to embrace who you are! You never know how much strength you have until you have to use it. Be encompassed by what matters the most to you, do not live for your illness, live for you.