12.30.14: The date I met my boyfriend for the first time (I’m not going to use his name for privacy reasons so every time I refer to “him” it’s my boyfriend): It’s safe to say that I am head over heels, crazy in love with this guy. I know a lot of people are going to judge me for this post because I just got the date we met tattooed on me and we have only known each other for less than a year. But before you judge, you should know how much of an impact this guy as made on my life.
In September I downloaded an app called Fling with my roommates because we heard it was fun (it’s an app that you can send pictures or messages to 50 random people in the world). I was not on this app looking for love, but it’s crazy how fate can bring people together. Towards the end of September I sent out a message saying “hey” and that’s when he replied to me. When we first started talking it was just as friends, and we were getting to each other more and where we lived a little bit better. He had never been to where I’m from, and I have never set foot in his country. It really didn’t take long for me to open up to him and tell him about my past even though I didn’t know him very well. Around the middle of October I had told him about how in my first year of university I tried to overdose on pills. I told him about my toxic relationship I had been in before university. I told himhow I have cut myself before and have had many serious thoughts about suicide. I showed him the poems I wrote when I was at some of my lowest points, and I just really opened up to him. It’s crazy to think that when we actually started dating in November he told me that the night I opened up to him was when he really started to fall for me. I was ashamed of who I was and the things that went through my head, but he didn’t see them as flaws or me as crazy, he seen me as someone who has been hurt really bad and someone who was struggling with a mental illness. The day I went to the airport with my parents to pick my boyfriend up and meet him for the first time was the day my life changed forever because I knew that it was real and what we had was special. The first time he had to leave to go back to his hometown was so hard because being with him was the happiest I have ever been. The break between us seeing each other again was a really hard time for me and it’s where he truly had a huge impact on my life. Once again I was struggling with always being sad and empty because of my past. I finally felt whole again for the first time in a long time when I was with him but as soon as he was gone again that happiness went away and the emptiness came back. I started cutting again because I felt nothing, but thankfully my boyfriend would drop everything and FaceTime me to cheer me up and make sure I was okay. After a week of this nonstop sadness and emptiness he finally suggested that I should ask for help. Although it was hard for him to say it because he didn’t want to upset me he knew that I would be happier getting the help I needed. I took his suggestion and reached out to my mom and told her I thought I was depressed.
I have now been on pills for my depression since February 2015. If it wasn’t for him giving me that push I needed I can honestly say I don’t know if I would still be here today. I know that God has put him in my life to love me for me and help me get through a rough period. The reason I decided to get this tattoo on me is because this guy has saved my life. Meeting him was fate, and I’m truly blessed to have someone that accepts me for who I am and never asks me to change. I can’t imagine how hard it must be dating someone with depression but I know that he will never give up on me no matter how hard it gets. So now that I have shared my story, if you still want to judge then by all means judge. This date means more than the world to me.
December 30th, 2014 is the day that I met my hero, and the person who has made the biggest impact on my life. I will never be able to thank him enough for all that he has done for me, but I am forever grateful that I found him. I was going to wait until Bell Lets Talk Day to post this but I decided against it. Although I love the message that Bell Lets Talk Day promotes (ending the stigma of mental illness), I believe that their message is a bit bigger. Bell Lets Talk wants everyone to talk about his or her mental illness issues everyday not just one day a year. The issue of the stigma shouldn’t only be talked about on January 28th every year; it should be an ongoing discussion to make everyone feel comfortable in his or her own skin.
To everyone out there that is struggling with a mental illness and is scared to get help, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. As someone who constantly is battling with a mental illness everyday, the stigma makes it harder to try and accept yourself for who you are and it sickens me to think that society can do this to us. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed about, it doesn’t define who you are it’s just a little part of you. Don’t worry about what anyone else says about depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness you may have. No one will truly understand what you are going through unless they are going through it themselves. Don’t let anyone belittle you or make you feel as if you’re worthless. Surround yourself with positive people and I can guarantee you will have a positive outcome. Let’s try and stop the stigma to mental health and talk about it. The more we talk about it, the more people will be comfortable with who they are and get the help they have been searching for.
by Kayla, age 21.