I am 17 years old and i am in grade 12. Sometimes its hard to believe how many things can happen in such a short period of time. Since school started all i have been looking forward to is University. When i am older i want to help people. Hopefully i will happen one day. I hope to be a social worker or work at the Canadian Mental health Association.
Here is my story,
In July of this year i was taken in for a psychiatric assessment since councellers and my doctor recommended me because they thought i may have depression. Not only were they right, but i also have anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. So a month later in August i was put on Prozac. I never noticed much of a difference at first. Except i kept experiencing terrible nightmares. By September i was happy. Everything seemed to be going well. I was looking into universities with my friends, trying my hardest at school and maintaining a relationship with my mom and dad. But then October hit. Everything seemed to be going down hill. I was depressed again, i would cry all the time over small things or even nothing at all, i started having thoughts of hurting myself again and i was starting to miss a lot of school because of it all. Then Halloween came. I was getting very irritable those days and could be set off by anything, such as my boyfriend touching my shoulder. I went hysterical. I ran out of the car away from my boyfriend and his friend and ran to a baseball diamond where i found a broken bottle. I cut my arms up. When my boyfriend found me i was on the side of the road crying with blood stains all down my sleeves. He walked me home and told me he would have to tell my mom. Again something went off in me. I ran to a park, my boyfriend tried to bring me home but i slapped, punched, bit and kicked him, threatened him, told him i hated him anything i could think of that would hurt him emotionally or physically.Then i just couldn’t take it anymore. I told him i was going to go and drown myself so he should just go, and obviously like any normal person he did not leave me alone. Instead he dragged me to my house. Unfortunately in order to get to my house involves walking along the main road. Which is where i tried to throw myself in front of a car. My boyfriend held me back and carried me home, he told my mom. I was hysterically crying and screaming. I blamed this on the pills. I ran into my room found the pills took the cap off and threw them all over my drive way. three of my best friends were over and were trying to calm me as my mom and boyfriend went outside and picked up my pills. Since then i am no longer on prozac, i am no longer on any anti depressant. i feel a lot better now although i now have a very hard time controlling my anger.
So as i am trying to cope with my own problems or depression an drug use, in November I come home to find my mom in her bed unable to wake up. I called my dad and told him, asked him what i should do. So i called 911. my two best friends were over and waited outside for the ambulance while i did what the paramedic said on the phone. The ambulance showed up. My mom was mumbling things and really out of it. I went to the hospital with her and eventually found out she had attempted suicide. The worst part was she was mad at me the night before for doing drugs in my room. She had taken a pill overdose and we were never able to tell what she had taken until the next day. For the next three days my mom was like a child. She would talk about things we didn’t know about, hallucinate, mumble, it was one of the scariest things in my life watching my mom like that. She was strapped to the bad and had stuff all hooked up to her arms. She even had to have a guard waiting outside her door. I eventually found out from my family that this had been her seventh attempt. As soon as she was stable enough, and back to normal she was moved to a psychiatric hospital. She was expected to stay there for two weeks minimum. Since me and my dad don’t get along i was staying with my boyfriends family. Six days after my mom was signed into the hospital i got a call from her saying she had been discharged and needed a ride. What my mom did the week before scared me, i cared of her and love her so much that i didn’t want her to hurt herself again so i told her i was unable to pick her up because i thought she should stay at the hospital longer. She ended up taking a cab home and then calling me and kicking me out.
I am now back with my mom. What has happened is still very much remembered by me. I have missed about maybe even a month of school by now because of all the problems in my life. As of Monday i am dropping out until next semester until i can straighten myself up. I hope for the best and cross my fingers that i have a bright and happy future to look forward to.