For the past 48 hours I have been struggling with how to write this blog. It has been so hard because it is tragic and heavy topic, I wish that people knew they were loved.
Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt overwhelmingly alone?
Have you ever felt like begging someone to be there for you, listen to you, but fear being a burden on their seemingly happy life?
Do you feel like it's just a fairy tale to one day become truly happy?
There is a daily feeling of emptiness, shame, and being Worthless.
Roughly two years ago, I wrote a personal essay about mental illness. I subsequently shared it on social media, shamelessly embodying my generation.
Depression isn’t fun. It is a lot of things, but none of them are fun. It’s not fun to have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. It’s not fun to question the stability of your relationships.
One of life’s most precious joys is having the ability to bring a child into the world, a pivotal moment in a mother's life that filled with love nourishment and joy.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~ Kanye West (…or Friedrich Nietzsche)
They say that marriage is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. I agree. The first flush of love taking over you, the butterflies fluttering around in your tummy, and the experience of everything being rosy makes life blissful. Even as my honeymoon period had taken off, and was soaring at 35,000 feet above sea level, I conceived. The fact that my body had performed the miracle of seeding a tiny little human was enough to push my happiness level to 70,000 feet.
But, little did I know that it was all about to come crashing down.
I started medication at the age of six for anxiety, depression and OCD, and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17. After searching for answers, following many bouts of depression and hopelessness, I decided to escape the emotional jail built for me. About eighteen months ago, I did a complete 18. Below are a few things from my “toolbox” that have helped me live a life I never thought possible. I spent all those years looking for someone or something to save me, all I needed was to look within myself.
Last week I came across a blog on The Mighty titled “When It’s Not the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” and it immediately resonated with me.