Fall back and leave me alone! I hate you all!
Fuck the doctors for certifying me when you don’t know who the
fuck I am!
Fuck staff for never having a straight answer and injecting me with poison!
Fuck the hospital for detaining me!
Fuck security and the nurses for putting me into seclusion and restraining me to a bed!
Fuck the police for tackling me and throwing me to the ground!
Fuck the Alberta Mental Health Act for shitting on my rights!
I mean every last one of you that Doctor Cruz has ever prescribed!
Fuck you, Zyprexa!
Eat a dick, Seroquel!
Leave me alone, Risperdal!
You whores make my stomach grow and I’m not sexy anymore!
my psychiatrist, Doctor Cruz, and he bumped up the doses of my antipsychotics and mood stabilizers.
I know this is all for the good, but why do I feel that it’s a setback? Shouldn’t the doses be getting lower?
After all, I’m getting better, right?
I keep telling them but they just won’t leave me alone. Ugly faces attack my analogue visual audio. Assaulting my precious senses to POINT BREAK and Keanu is not around to save me.
Overwhelmed to shit!
So I called the Crisis Hotline and they helped me with a plan.
Distract the Senses
Resilience is someone’s ability to become happy, healthy and strong again after enduring difficult circumstances such as trauma, abuse, war, or poverty, to name a few examples. Dr.
Imagine living in a state of constant fear and discomfort. You cannot sleep, or perhaps, you sleep too much at times when the nightmares are at bay. Memories plague you, even when you do not wish to think about them.
Julie Andrews sung the lyrics, “Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start…” but, for the purposes of this abridged autobiography, it isn’t a good place to start. I’ll start 34 years into my life, then I’ll jump to now and then I’ll go back to 1966.
7 February 2001:
I see a lot of things as a paramedic. I see elderly persons who are all alone, with not a single loved one. I see 50 year olds having chest pains and heart attacks. I see the devastating results of alcohol and drug addiction. And death. This one I think about the most: I met her mother first. She was inconsolably sobbing, and couldn't walk without falling over. A nurse had to help her into the hospital.