i was normal (once) / September 29, 2013
I recently got into a new relationship and were constantly cuddling, but because of the warm weather I've been wearing shorts. I know this doesn't sound like a huge problem but to someone who used to self harm all over her thighs this was a huge worry!! I didn't want him to see my scars and think differently of me. We were sitting eating lunch and he put his hand right on top of my scars, my heart started beating out of my chest and my breath started to hitch.
12.30.14: The date I met my boyfriend for the first time (I’m not going to use his name for privacy reasons so every time I refer to “him” it’s my boyfriend): It’s safe to say that I am head over heels, crazy in love with this guy. I know a lot of people are going to judge me for this post because I just got the date we met tattooed on me and we have only known each other for less than a year. But before you judge, you should know how much of an impact this guy as made on my life.
What is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship is based on trust and respect.
Fall back and leave me alone! I hate you all!
Fuck the doctors for certifying me when you don’t know who the
fuck I am!
Fuck staff for never having a straight answer and injecting me with poison!
Fuck the hospital for detaining me!
Fuck security and the nurses for putting me into seclusion and restraining me to a bed!
Fuck the police for tackling me and throwing me to the ground!
Fuck the Alberta Mental Health Act for shitting on my rights!
Imagine living in a state of constant fear and discomfort. You cannot sleep, or perhaps, you sleep too much at times when the nightmares are at bay. Memories plague you, even when you do not wish to think about them.
Julie Andrews sung the lyrics, “Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start…” but, for the purposes of this abridged autobiography, it isn’t a good place to start. I’ll start 34 years into my life, then I’ll jump to now and then I’ll go back to 1966.
7 February 2001:
Are there people who constantly criticize you, tell you that you can’t do things, make you feel bad about yourself, even yell at you?
These are toxic people.
As a young girl, a vivid imagination provided endless hours of adventure. Being an asthmatic, there were many days spent sick or having to remain indoors due to my health. However I don’t recall experiencing boredom or even loneliness, because I could always escape those moments into a world of pretend, playing quite contently, (even when confined to my bed), for literal hours. With one simple act of the will, situations I didn’t care for could be easily abandoned - instead journeying off to faraway places that existed in the unlimited landscape of my mind.