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When a Friendship or Relationship Ends
The end of any relationship is difficult, but with time and learning you can move forward in a healthy way. This set of tips will highlight ways to healthily cope with the end of a friendship or relationship
Gnash makes an important point in his lyrics about how "friends can break your heart too". The heartbreak that can come from ended friendships isn't talked about a lot, but it's valid too! Know that it is normal to feel heartbroken when a friendship ends.
The reason we sever friendships is often because they weren't healthy for us. You likely set boundaries for a reason. If someone doesn't respect those boundaries, then that alone proves you made the right choice in setting them. Don't let someone guilt you for that.
Can't stop replaying words that were said leading up to the breakup? Pause what you're doing, replay the situation once, practice some acceptance, and bring your attention back to the present. Using mindfulness to rewire your thought patterns like this can help you ruminate less.
Not finding breakup advice online that actually feels supportive? Letsmend.com has a free mobile app called Mend, that acts as a BFF and personal trainer for guiding you through breakups. You can also visit their website for helpful blogs, interviews and more!
“It's very possible and very okay to forgive someone and still not want to spend time with them” ― Karen Salmansohn
Thinking about that hurtful thing that someone you cared about said to you or behind your back?! It's easy to relive the terrible things that were said, but know that it's a reflection of the person who said it, NOT a reflection of you!
Write letters to people you're thankful for. It can help remind you that even though you're feeling this huge loss, you have other people who love and care about you that you can turn to.
Moving on from a relationship or friendship that you had for years is difficult, because you went through so much together. Now it's time to focus on yourself and make room for new things!
“Ending something doesn't have to be filled with regret , anger, or negativity. We have experiences and memories that serve a purpose.” ― Omar Lee
It isn't a failure when a relationship/friendship ends. It is a time to reflect and write down the lessons you learned from having that person in your life. Everyone comes into your life for a reason, but it doesn't mean they have to stay there.
Are you seeking closure with someone, but the other person isn't wanting to talk it out? Try writing it all down. This might even provide more closure than any conversation with this person who hurt you ever will!
When we still love and care about someone, it can be hard to let go of the relationship. But sometimes we need to put ourselves first, and that's okay. Loving and caring for someone doesn't mean you have to stay in their life if it isn't good for you.
Start creating new memories and routines. If you and your ex-friend or partner always watched a movie on Sunday nights, make a totally new routine like having supper with family, going for a hike or trying a new yoga class!
Detox from your phone for a weekend. Sometimes all we want to do is scroll through social media, especially to check up on the person we’re feeling heartbroken over. Take some space away from your phone & the negativity that can come from it during vulnerable times.
“Oh it was meant to be. It just wasn't meant to last.” ― Kate McGahan
Some say that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. What was once a great relationship, may have run its course. It's okay to let go of people that don't feel right for us anymore, not all friendships are meant to last forever!
Prioritize spending your social time with people who you actually enjoy being around. Don't keep filling your time with people that leave you feeling negative or drained. It's time to put energy into healthy relationships and distance yourself from the negative ones.
Don't let anyone, even yourself, let you think you shouldn't seek help due to a breakup. If you're struggling to cope, you deserve support! Breakups can be really tough and anytime something is really impacting you, it's a good idea to reach out for help.
When someone we care about says hurtful things, there can be a lot behind it. It's almost always about their own struggles, rather than them purposely wanting to be hurtful. Be honest and tell them that their words hurt you, so that they can hopefully reflect and apologize.
After a breakup with a friend or partner, distraction can be helpful. Just make sure you're not distracting yourself so much that you're not allowing yourself to feel. In order to heal, we have to feel!
“Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger” ― Sarah Evans
Try not to play the "blame game". Maybe you could have communicated better, or maybe the other person really was the main cause of the breakdown in the relationship; but holding onto anger or resentment can keep you from moving forward. Avoid laying blame and look ahead.
“Worry less about what other people think about you, and more about what you think about them.” ― Fay Weldon
Try to take time to focus on yourself after a friendship or relationship ends. Take advantage of having more time to put your own needs first, rather than rushing to find someone new & having to take on the needs of another person again so soon!
Maybe it is time to review how a person in your personal life negatively impacts you every time you have an interaction. Writing a list of the things that bothered you is a way to move on from it! Rip up the list and throw it in the garbage as a way to move forward.
It can be hard to move forward after someone we cared about really hurt us, especially because we may not always get an apology. Part of healing sometimes requires us to forgive anyway, for our own good, so that we can move on with less emotional burden
It's natural to remember and miss the good times you experienced with someone. It's also important to remember why you aren't in each other's lives right now and consider it is probably for the best. Don't get sucked into reconnecting right now, focus on you!
It's not petty or immature to delete or unfollow people on social media. In fact, it's mature to set boundaries like that. If it's causing you pain and worsening the heartache to see their posts, then why subject yourself to it? It is okay to do what's good for you!
Check in with yourself! How are you feeling after some distance from this friend/partner? Can you see some red flags looking back that you can now look out for in future relationships?
Are there other relationships in your life that could use some boundary-setting or better communication? Sometimes we need to be proactive in our relationships instead of waiting to reflect once conflict erupts.