Coping with a Parent or Guardian’s Mental Illness

Breaking free from toxic relationships is one of the most difficult things you might go through. Setting boundaries and saying goodbye – or taking a break – is OK. It might give you time to reflect on how to move forward.

Having a parent/guardian who struggles with their mental health puts a strain on your life because you’re dealing with it constantly. Finding a strong support network is important.

Sometimes you might feel like you’ve done something to cause your parent/guardian’s mental illness or latest episode, but you are not at fault for their emotional state or actions.

Living with a parent/guardian who has a mental illness can be overwhelming at times. Make sure to take care of yourself.

You can’t do everything on your own. It’s OK to ask for help!

Having a mental illness can make it hard for your parent/guardian to make plans with you and stick to them. If you feel safe doing so, invite your parent to do something together that you’ll both like. This could be going for a walk, cooking, etc.

It’s true that mental illness can run in families due to genetics. That being said, there are many other factors that determine if you will develop a mental illness or not. Just because your parent has a mental illness, doesn’t mean you will develop a mental illness as well.

Your feelings aren’t wrong. It’s OK to feel mad, angry, sad or scared. Find a way to express your emotions. This could be talking to someone you trust, drawing, playing sports, etc.

Your younger siblings might ask questions about your parent/guardian’s mental health. Be honest. You could say something like “Dad has depression. It makes him sad and he stays in bed a lot. It’s not your fault.” Connect them with a trusted adult if they want more info.

You might find yourself doing more around the house if your parent/guardian is sick. That’s a good thing but it can be overwhelming. Prioritize what is most important and be okay with letting other things slide.

It’s OK to ask your parent about their mental illness. It’s good to talk about their mental health so you are on the same page. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, it’s OK to reach out to another trusted adult for support.

Your parent/guardian isn’t perfect. It’s important to learn how to care for yourself while still having compassion for others. It’s a really tricky balance, and it is good to accept that we always need to work on it.

You didn’t cause your parent/guardian’s illness and it’s not your job to “fix” them. They are responsible for their own mental health. It’s OK to help out, but not at the expense of your own mental health! Your parent/guardian loves you and wants you to be healthy.

Boundaries are important, but setting them can be difficult when your parent/guardian is mentally ill. They might overshare or depend on you more than they should. Start small. If your parent is oversharing, then suggest they talk to someone else who could provide more help or information.

If you feel comfortable, remind your parent/guardian that you love them. They will probably appreciate it. Mental illness can make people feel unlovable or unworthy.

If things become too much or too scary, it’s OK to leave and go somewhere you feel safe.

Your parent may not be what you need them to be all the time, even if they do not experience mental illness. It’s OK to let other people be what you need sometimes. This could be a teacher, coach, etc.

You might be worried about your younger siblings. Try including them in your self care (when you feel up to it). For instance, if you play basketball to calm down, invite your sibling along. This might calm your worries, as you know your sibling is safe and you are teaching them healthy coping strategies.

Even though things feel rough right now, it will get better! Shift your focus by looking to the future.

Get involved with things outside of your home life. Having something you belong to that is separate from your parent or home life can empower you to reach your potential, can give you a sense of control in your life, and can also give your brain and emotions a break from whatever is happening at home.